I almost forgot about #WritingWednesday, but thankfully I didn’t!! If you’ve been keeping up with my post, then you know that I’ve self-published a book called She Falls Asleep (which is available on Amazon, by the way). I’ve slowly started writing the sequel to that book, Down Goes Another One, which basically tells the story of how Luca deals with Cassadee’s suicide.
For this week’s Writing Wednesday, I’m going to share a little part of the funeral scene in the first chapter. The entire chapter mostly takes place at Cassadee’s funeral, but this moment, in particular, is when Luca is up in front of everyone at the funeral giving his little speech about his late bestie/love of his life. I hope you have tissue. That’s all I’m going to say about that, and I hope you enjoy it!
The minister leaves my side as I take a deep breath. I place both hands on the podium and stand up straight as I take in the handful of people in front of me, either in tears or intently staring at me so I can start speaking. I close my eyes and take one last deep breath before opening them and facing the crowd, ready to deliver my lines.
“H-hi. I’m Luca Dawson and I was Cassadee’s best friend. It’s so weird saying was instead of is because I am her best friend. Cassadee and I were connected at the hip since we were in diapers. We did almost everything together growing up, so long as Van and Harlow could join in on the fun. We were really close…some might even say that we were dating, but we never did. I valued her friendship too much to do anything that might jeopardize it. That was my mistake. Cassadee was the most sincere, kindest, and honest person you could meet. She had a heart of gold…she was the love of my life. I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m nineteen. What do I know about love? Cassadee and I went through so much together that it was hard to not fall for her.”
I pause for a second as tears start to form. Quickly, I wipe them away with my arm before they can erupt.
“Uh…um…I’ve got my guitar with me, as you can see. I uh, I want to play a song from one of Cassadee and my favorite bands. This is ‘Missing You’ by All Time Low, and it basically says everything I wanted to say to her in person when I drove to her house that morning.”
I swing my guitar around so that it’s no longer on my back, but securely in front of my chest. I fish out the blue pick from one of the pockets in my blazer and strum the guitar once, checking to see that it’s properly tuned. I look up at the twins, both watching me with teary eyes. They’ve heard this song before. They know why I picked it.
“I heard that you’ve been self-medicating in the quiet of your room, your sweet suburban tomb. And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts, but if you need a friend, then please just say the word…You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up, you made a mess again. There’s no more trying, time to sort yourse-”
I became so lost in the music and lyrics that I choke, unable to continue on to the chorus. I hang my head and place it on my guitar as tears fall, allowing the water to rhythmically hit the wooden surface. I frantically wipe the snot with my sleeves. So much for keeping this blazer pristine.
“Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one,” a voice sings from the crowd. I look up at the crowd to see Van giving me a thumbs up. “Make no mistake, the time will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done.”
Following Van’s lead, I clean up my tears and start strumming again. “Now don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing you, and we’ll be missing you.”
As I strum into the second verse, I motion for Van to join me up front. He runs up to my side and claps along, taking position as the rhythm section as we continue to sing the song together until the bridge, which I do by myself.
“…Grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls black and scream ‘fuck the world, cause it’s my life. I’m gonna take it back.’ And you will never for second blame yourself. Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done.
Van counts everyone in before I finish the remainder of the song.
“Now don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out, and we’ll be missing you. We miss you, Cass.”
Van pulls me in for a massive hug immediately after the final chord hits, taking my guitar strap and placing the instrument aside. My emotions can’t be bottled up anymore. I sob into his shoulder, not caring that I probably look like a big baby. I knew that song would be hard for me to sing, but I didn’t realize how emotional I’d get after singing it. Van leads me back to our seats, rubbing my back to sooth my whimpering as we walk. I don’t even know if I can handle the rest of the funeral. Once I’m comfortably seated, I lower my head and sob into my hands. I honestly don’t want to live without Cassadee. It’s not fair that she’s gone and I’m here, saying goodbye to her forever. But this isn’t goodbye. She’s still in my thoughts, my visions…she’s everywhere that I go.