A Brief Rant About Mental Illness

I’m sure as everyone knows by now, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park took his own life a couple days ago. I’m not gonna lie and say his music was a big part of my life, etc. because it wasn’t. I never really got into Linkin Park, but I appreciate and acknowledge what the band has done for the alternative scene and the music industry.

With that said, it’s ironic how some people can say that Chester was “selfish” or “cowardly” for committing suicide when he was such an influence to many people worldwide. It’s also ridiculous how some say that depression/anxiety is an aesthetic—a phase that only teenagers are allowed to go through because they’re supposed to be rebellious and emotional, as they’re still figuring out who they are.

Well, that’s complete BULLSHIT. Yes, Chester was a frontman for one of the biggest bands of the past decade, but his fame and status doesn’t exempt him from depression.

Let’s turn the tables here. What if it was me?

You guys probably noticed that I have been away for the past couple weeks. Why was that? Because I was struggling with my own demons and tried to take my own life.

I’ve struggled for years. Just like Chester, I never sought help until last week. Why? Because of the stigma.

There is so much negativity towards having a mental illness, that I didn’t want to expose myself when I desperately needed it. I didn’t want to be the weirdo who claims to have anxiety or depression when I’m in my 20’s because at this stage, I’m supposed to have everything together and just suck it up.

So I suppressed everything and bottled it up all throughout my college years. That KILLED ME inside. I distanced myself, I hurt myself, I barely ate and I couldn’t sleep well, I shut myself down whenever I was around people—especially my family.

While I was doing all of that, I was basically failing and the only solace I had was music and writing, things that are viewed as just “hobbies” to most. But I used music make friends and to a select few, I confided in them. I wrote as an alternative to hurting myself (I won’t say how I did it, but I’ll just say that I never cut) because creating stories took my mind off of life.

I tried so hard to consume myself in things that would make me happy, but I still wasn’t. I was alone because I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone anything. I was unhealthy because of my poor eating and sleeping habits. I was ultimately saying “fuck life. I’m done.” because I knew I couldn’t get my grades up to where they needed to be.

I am definitely not a rock star and Chester definitely wasn’t a struggling college student like me, but we both have one thing in common: our thoughts were harrowing and we both didn’t want to live.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what your background is. You can have millions of fans and be financially stable, and you can still be unhappy with yourself. It’s not that difficult to pretend to be okay; I know that from experience. But it IS difficult to cope, especially when you’re trying to do it all by yourself.

Having depression and/or anxiety isn’t some teenage phase. They’re not some cute aesthetic to romanticize in books, TV, or movies. They’re serious issues that many people, myself included, struggle with on a daily basis. And there’s so much crap about it that we don’t often seek the help we need to get better. That’s why people drive themselves to such extremes.

This topic can’t be something people acknowledge each time someone famous dies, and it definitely shouldn’t be viewed as “taboo.” In order for people like me to be comfortable with being more open about our issues, the stigma needs to end. Suicide isn’t an act of cowardice, but an act of ending the struggle. People need to be more understanding and less judgmental or else it’ll never end.

Ok. Rant over.

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7.22 SOTD

Happy Saturday, everybody. Hope you’re enjoying your day. Again, it’s gloomy here. Thunder and lightening, it’s getting very exciting, indeed! Rain is great and of course there’s the petrichor that comes after it, but the precipitation is getting ridiculous by now. SO. MUCH. RAIN! Anyways, here’s today’s song of the day.

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You know you grew up in the 90’s when you know the film The Swan Princess. It was one of my favorite princess movies as a kid, and it’s still one of my favorite all time animated films. As a non-Disney film, it’s obviously underrated. Then again, all Don Bluth films are except Anastasia.

Anyways, “Far Longer Than Forever” is the theme to The Swan Princess. It’s the romantically beautiful duet between Odette and Derek and um, it was NOMINATED FOR A GOLDEN GLOBE in 1995 for Best Original Song. It was nominated for good reason too.

In the film, Odette and Derek pledge their love to each other while singing the song. Despite factors that separate them, they believe their love can overcome any barrier between them. Ah, so beautiful!

7.21 SOTD

It’s a very dark, somber Friday morning here. Oh, and it’s raining. Yeah, like we need more rain right now. Great for the flora, but we’ve had so much rain lately, it’s ridiculous! At least that means the temperature will cool down—not liking the humid, 90ºF temps we’ve been having this week.

I’ll be back later to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart, one that’s very serious. For now, here’s today’s song of the day.

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I thought it’d be super cliché to pick a Linkin Park song, but Sum 41’s “Pieces” is a good enough fit for the bill. I remember when this song was released and thinking it was one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard, and the music video does an amazing job telling the story, as Deryck is basically wandering around seeming lost and like he doesn’t belong.

I follow quite a handful of band members on Twitter and Insta—majority of what I listen to is alternative music, so definitely a number of bands—and everyone’s words just hit home. This verse from the song really triggered everything Chester’s death reminded me of:

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

Give this song a listen, reflect, have a cry. It’s okay.

7.20 SOTD

Hello everybody! It’s been quite a somber day in the world of music, as Linkin Park’s frontman, Chester Bennington, has committed suicide. I’ve read so many wonderful tweets from band members about his influence and the topic, and it hit home for me. I’m debating on writing a lil’ something tomorrow in lieu of my “Happy Things” post because it hasn’t been a very happy past week for me.

Anyways, enough somberness. Here’s today’s song of the day.

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Delta Goodrem’s cover of The Darkness’ “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” is unreal. She strips it back to just a piano and her voice to expose the beauty of the song’s lyrics, which is heavily masked by the original flamboyance of crazy vocals and guitar riffs. Delta’s voice gives the song new life by bringing out its hauntingly romantic side. It’s simply STUNNING.

A fun fact: it’s her brother’s favorite song and she sang this version at his wedding.

You should definitely give this a listen. I promise Delta’s rendition will make you believe it isn’t the same song as the original. Sometimes when I listen to it, I can’t believe it. But that’s my two cents.

WRITING WEDNESDAY: Departures

First day back, and chose a Wednesday. You guys know what that means. Welcome to another Writing Wednesday, everyone! Hope you’re all doing great. I’m so glad to be back.

Today’s excerpt is from the next Therapy for Souls chapter, and it’s something I just started writing a couple days ago. I just posted a new chapter yesterday and it kicked off the Afterlife section of the story, so Parisa is now dead.

What I’m sharing today is literally the beginning of where the story picks up. Parisa has just died and she is kinda working through her memories and trying to make sense of her thoughts and feelings to the situation. I hope you guys enjoy, and I’ll see you next time! xx

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7.19 SOTD

Long time no see, everyone. I realize I’ve been MIA for the past week or so, which means I’ve been slacking loads on here. I’ve been coping with my issues and finally sought help for it. But I’m back now for your scheduled programming. Let’s kick off with today’s song of the day.

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Lena Meyer-Druit, known synonymously as Lena, won Eurovision back in 2010 with “Satellite”. I didn’t start watching until 2012, but I’ve starting digging into her music a few weeks ago, and I think she’s absolutely amazing.

Wild & Free” is one of my favorites, which is why I chose it for today’s song. It’s a powerful anthem about not giving up against all odds and just believing in yourself. It could be like, the German national football team’s anthem because it just has that vibe to it.

Y’all should give this song a listen. It’s empowering, the lyrics are so inspirational and positive, and the drums are everything. I also really love the lyrics for the breakdown.

 We are the lionheart
And we are not afraid
We can be a burning light
And we will never fade

Writing Wednesday: Bittersweet Goodbyes

It is mid-week. You know what that means: it’s #WritingWednesday! I had trouble deciding on what to share with you guys today because my mood has been all over the place. Therapy for Souls just reached 400 reads yesterday—I still can’t believe it—and I updated it two days ago. I thought an excerpt from that chapter would be a cop-out because it’s not exactly new if I’ve already posted it.

I wrote a few paragraphs of the next chapter yesterday and thought that would do it—that’s what I’ll share. I didn’t write much, but it was something.

I ultimately decided to NOT go with the latter just because I don’t want any spoilers ruined. All I can say is you know EXACTLY what will happen in that chapter once you read that opening paragraph.

So today, I have the last portion of the latest completed chapter. Basically, Parisa is sharing a somber parting moment with Kristian before he has to leave for Moscow. This happens in her dressing room a couple hours before her Parisian show and it’s…well, that last sentence says it all. I’m not spoiling anything by saying she does die in Paris since that’s mentioned in the prologue

Happy reading! I’d love to know your thoughts. I’ll see you Friday for a Happy Things post!

xoxo – F

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